JAAT AIRWAYS

JAAT AIRWAYS


Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen


This is your Captain Santa Singh welcoming you to Jaat Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. Landing in Ludhiana is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

Jaat Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the fully trained terrorists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us!

t is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies. 




If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off for your convenience. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits.
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out that God really exists.
We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to United Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. These windows have been removed, especially keeping in mind your convenience. For passengers with sight problems, we have also put a pair of binoculars under your seat. 

As per the rules, smoking is not allowed in all international flights. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming trunks to the uncles, for emergency landings.
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belts. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you, who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with our flight attendants for your arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If you do sit there, please do not flush frequently because it may result in the shortage of the water we require to make your tea.


Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you once again for choosing to fly with Jaat Airways.
Cheers…