Thursday, February 5, 2009

jokes n shaayriyaan

Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip 

khuli dekh Ladkiyan zor se hasne lagi. 

Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to 

bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga

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Girl: Main jab bhi apne pados 
wale ladke ko dekhti hoon, 

meri bra tight ho jati hai. 

To uski Ma Boli 
"Kal se bra hi mat pehan, 
uski pant tight ho jayegi!!"
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U r my best as best friend!! 
u r 

CHARMING 
HELPFUL 
UNDERSTANDING 
TALENTED 
IMPRESSIVE 
AMAZING 


in short u r : 
C.H.U.T.I.A
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Sardarni: 3 chor aye aur mera 
jordar RAPE karake chale gaye. 

Sardar: tumne unhe roka nahi? 

Sardarni: bahut bola rukane ko 
magar bole ab aur takath nahi.
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hasti thi hasaati thi, 
rooti thi rula ti thi, 
badme maloom pada 
sala chutiya banati thi
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A man 2 shopkeeper: 

Ek White colour ka Condom dena. 
Shopkeer: White Hi kyun? 
Man: Padosan ka husband guzar 
gaya hai Afsos karne jaana hai.
--------------------------------

Gabbar : Yeh haath mujhe dede Thakur 

Thakur : Lele Bhenchod, lekin subah 
8 baje meri gand dhone aa jaana!
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Husband: Jee karta hai ki 
tumhari zulfon mein kho jaaon, 
tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaon, 
tumhari bahon mein jhool jaon. 
Wife: Neeche kya padosi ghusengey?
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In da chemistry class teacher 
asked a gal: What r nitrates? 

Ladki ne sharma ke kaha: 

Night rates r costlier than day.
----------------------------

Q: What is the definition 

of "burning love"? 

A: It's when at night u reach 
out 4 da Vaseline gel & pick 
up Vicks Vaporub by mistake
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Ghar ki bahu paraye mard ke 

saath soraithi saas ko pata 
chala lekin kuch nahi boli. 

malum hai kui? 

Kuiki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi..
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Yaad aate hai bachpan k woh haseen din, 

jab hum tum masti kiya karte the, 
tum lollipop k liye roya karte the, 
hum apni pant khol kar tumhe manaya karte the...
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Gabbar: Basanti chaddi utar. 

Viru: nahi Basantiin kutto 
ke samne chaddi mat utarna. 

Basanti: Viru dar mat maine 

chaddi pahni hi nahi hai...
--------------------------

Sir: cow hammari maata hai... 
(outside school... Bull fucking cow) 


Student: sir.. sir... bahar aapki maa chod rahe hai.
---------------------------------

Worlds smallest resignation letter? 

Dear Sir, 
maa chuda, 

land khuja, 
Ab tu hilla, 
main chala....
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Three Girls talking in office- 1st says “kal mujhe sir ke table pe CONDOM mila”

2nd says-”Aur Maine usase badla lene ke liye usme chhed kar diya
3rd says- “Marvaa diya na Haramjadiyon…..!
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This is the ultimate ...you would almost die laughing!!!! 
Due to the way our Hindi was pronounced by the Britishers and the Anglo Indians too.

GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher,Colonel Smith 

Col.Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai)!! 

Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!! 

Col. Smith: Kya 'jyada nahi' bolta hai, tumhara application me likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai. 
Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga. 
Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)?? 








Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!! 
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya 'kabhi kabhi' bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai. 








Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga. 
The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith's family asks him to do. 
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!! 
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik. 
Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai 

Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar 
Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)... baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga... aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga. 
Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta. 



Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega. 
Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare. 
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga. 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ....jo hukum. 
After a few days There is no one except Col.Smith's wife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind. So...... 
Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo? 
Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin. 
Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot). 
Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin?? 
Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai. 
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge. 
Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi. 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum. 

Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. 
Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts 
Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!! 
Ganpatrai :Memsaab...Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega
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Ek baar class main inspection hoti hain.. Headmaster sahib aate hain....... Sawaal karna shuru! 
Headmaster: "Bachoo Hamari body ka sabse naram part konsa hain"? 
Jab koi jawab nahin deta to master Tinku ki taraf ishara karte hue Headmaster: "Tinku tum is ka jawab do"!! 


Tinku: "Master ji hamari body ka sabse naram part hain GAAND, kyon ki, agar hame thand (cold) lag gaye hum kehte hain 'GAAND Phat gayi', Garmi lag jaya hum kehte hain 'GAAND phat gayi', thoda chalna pad jaye'GAAND phat gayi', Rona aa jaye 'GAAND phat gayi', Homework karana ho'GAAND phat gayi'




Headmaster ko gussa to aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi sahi hain to woh kuch nahin kehta.. phir sawaal karta hain 

Headmaster: "acha aab ye batao ke, Ladki ki jab shaadi ho jaati hain to woh Doli ke time roti kyon hain" 






Phir koi jawaab nahin deta......master phir Tinku ko jawaab dene ko kehta hain. 



Tinku: " Master ji aap itne bade master, gyani or Samajhdar AGAR AAPKI KOI 400KM GHAR SE DOOOOOR LE JAA KAR GAAND MAREGA TO AAPKO RONA NAHIN AAYEGA? 

Master ji ko phir bhut gussa aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi thik hain...isleye woh use kuch nahin kehta. Master phir sawaal karata hain 
Headmaster: " Acha bachoo agar main aapko tisri aankh lagane ki shakti doon to tum kahan lagwaoge" 
Koi bacha kehta hain sir pe, koi kehta hain mooh main, koi kehta hain pet main. koi kehta hain kaan pe..... Master ko koi bhi answer acha nahin lagta hain to woh Tinku ko phir khada karta hain. 
Tinku: " Master ji main tisri aankh haat ki badi wali ungli main lagawaoonga" Headmaster: " Kyon Tinku" 
Tinku: " Main usko aapki GAAND main dalke ye dekhoonga ke aisa kaun sa kida aapki GAAND main Bhatak raha hain jo Salla har Sawaal mujhe hi se pooch raha hai.

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