Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and start signaling: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai wo
loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya".
Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur
Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."
Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye
hain kya?"
Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha
hai."
Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water
tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai
ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bh! i nahin aate."
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch
bhi kar sakte hain."
Jay hits some commands on his keyboard, then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se
kahna ki uska server down ho gaya."


AT GABBAR'S DEN..

Gabbar: "Kitne virus thhye?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen anitvirus . Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya
soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? incentive dega , Salary
badayega?
Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi. (gabbar shouts ) "Sambaa laptop la
re".
"Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"
Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."
Gabbar:"Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai.[logout -
logout - logout]. Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga Kaalia?"
Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
 
Gabbar: "To ab testing kar!"............ ....????? ? 

Monday, February 23, 2009

Sad sad story An excellent one

There were two beggars sitting under the bridge for many years. There was no change in their fortune. Once God went to them and gave them three eggs each. God told both of them that “They have to express their each wish and then drop the egg to the floor and the wish will be true.”
 
Both were happy. First one used all the eggs and got wealth, health and wife and started living very happily.
 
Once he was passing the same bridge and to his surprise he saw his old friend second beggar still begging under the bridge. First beggar was surprised he stooped his car and went up to him.
 
Rich Beggar, “Dear what is this. You are not changed at all. Did you not use those three eggs?
 
Poor Beggar, “Yes dear. I used all the three eggs but still I am as it is.”
 
Rich Beggar, How come? I used all of them and see toady I am rich, healthy and family man.”
 
Poor Beggar, “What to tell you?” You know I was fond of sex and sex only. I dropped the egg and wished Maximum possible ‘Instruments’ to me. My wish was through and my entire body had many instruments, where ever possible on my body.
 
Rich Beggar, “ My God. Then?
 
The Poor Beggar, “It was horrible experience. I was looking like animal hanging instruments to all my body.”
 
“So I immediately dropped the second egg and wished’ O’ God. Take away these instruments from my body.”
 
“The wish was through and all the instruments hanging to my body vanished. But with this I had a grave problem. I lost my original instrument also due to this wish.”
 
Rich Beggar, “O, God. It must be unfortunate and horrible. Then what you did?”
 
Poor beggar, “I had no option but to drop the third egg and wish “Get me back my original instrument and that is how I lost all the three eggs. Naturally. I am on the same begging spot.”
 
Poor Beggar “My sad story does not end hear. Since I asked for my original instrument I got it back as of when I was born. It’s of no use dear. I have lost everything.” 

What Goes Around Keeps Coming Back

What Goes Around Keeps Coming Back

[1] Dirty old man businessman Boss winks at the flirt secretary and says, "For a week you and I will go abroad, so pretend making a business trip."

[2] Secretary immediately makes a call to Husband, "For a week my boss and I will be going abroad for business, so you look after yourself."

[3] Crooked husband makes call to his foxy secret lover, "My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together."

[4] Secret lover makes call to the small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

[5] Small boy makes a call to his grandfather, "Grandpa, for a week I don't have class because my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together."

[6] Grandpa dirty old man businessman boss makes call to his secretary, "This week I am spending my time with my grandson, sorry We cannot attend that meeting."

[7] Secretary makes call to her husband, "This week my boss has some work, we canceled our trip."

[8] Crooked husband makes call to foxy secret lover, "We cannot spend this week together, my wife has canceled her trip."

[9] Secret lover makes call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition, "This week we will have class as usual."

[10] Small boy makes call to his grandfather, "Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company."

[11] Grandpa dirty old man businessman boss apologizes to his flirt secretary, "Don't worry this week we will attend that fake meeting, so make arrangements ."

[12] ………….. 

back to Surat!!

At Heathrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address System: 'Mr.Rand Chod Kar Sandaas ! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to Reception'.

Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived ex Surat, goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist.

The following conversation must go into history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhodbhai: 'Madar Chod ! I am Ranchhod........ '

Receptionist: 'Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not the name I have here.. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas.........'

Ranchhodbhai: 'Arrey Bhenchod, I am NOT Madar chod !!!'

Receptionist: 'So are you Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod ? Is your surname Ben or Chod ?'

Ranchhodbhai: (now really really pissed) 'Chootia taari ! I am Ranchhod........'

Receptionist: 'Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Tari then ???'

Whenupon a Chinese guy turns up at the Reception and says: 'Were you calling me ?'

Receptionist: 'Who are you?'

Chinese Guy: 'I am Choo Tia.....'

Whereupon Ranchhodbhai decides to fly back to Surat!!!

---------------------------------------------------

A little Rubbing

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.......

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him......"Take me.... young man... Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!!"...And that's when I shot the son of a bitch! 

Thursday, February 5, 2009

JAAT AIRWAYS

JAAT AIRWAYS


Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen


This is your Captain Santa Singh welcoming you to Jaat Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. Landing in Ludhiana is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!




Jaat Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the fully trained terrorists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us!

t is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies. 




If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off for your convenience. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits.
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out that God really exists.
We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to United Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. These windows have been removed, especially keeping in mind your convenience. For passengers with sight problems, we have also put a pair of binoculars under your seat. 

As per the rules, smoking is not allowed in all international flights. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming trunks to the uncles, for emergency landings.
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belts. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you, who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with our flight attendants for your arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If you do sit there, please do not flush frequently because it may result in the shortage of the water we require to make your tea.


Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you once again for choosing to fly with Jaat Airways.
Cheers…

jokes

Jaat : Lets try something different. Do it in ears.

Jaattni : Hohji, main behra ho gayi to?  

jaat : Aaj tak goongi hui kya? 

----------------------------------

(A man visits his doctor and.....) 
jaat: Doc, mera khada nahi hota hai. 
Doctor : do u have girlfriend? 
jaat: No 
Doctor : Do u visit pros? 
jaat: No 
Doctor : Do u go for mujra? 
jaat : No 


Doctor : To khada karke uspar kya coat taangega?

---------------------------

(1)







Getting The Job!
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: 

“HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”





A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.









Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said "yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."



The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!”.

(2)


A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A SOFTWARE ENGINEER AND HIS WIFE.
Husband (Returning late from work): Good evening dear, I'm now logged in.
Wife: Have you brought the grocery?
Husband: Bad command or filename.
Wife: But I told you in the morning.
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife: What about my new TV?
Husband: Variable not found...
Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping. 
Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied...
Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers, or are you just being funny?
Husband: Too many parameters...
Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.
Wife: You are a useless.
Husband: It's by Default.
Wife: What about your salary?
Husband: File in use...Try after some time.
Wife: What is my value in the family?
Husband: Unknown Virus.
========================================



Daalu baba ke anmol vachan

Jeewan Ke 50 Sach

#1 Maut aur tatti, kabhi bhi aa sakti hain.




#2 Saanp aur chut, jahaan bhi milen maar do.


#3 Zindagi aur jhaant uljhe hue hain, use suljhane ki koshish mat karna.





#4 Samay aur chutiya, sab ka kat ta hain.

#5 Achi piyo kharab piyo, jab bhi piyo sharaab piyo.


#6 Paani aur land, apna rasta khud dhoondh lete hain.

#7 Beewi aur gaadi, doosre ko doge to chud kar hi wapas ayenge.







#8 Sardar aur suwar ke bachche, chote hi achche lagte hain.

#9 Doodh aur gaand, jab phatthe hain to aawaaz nahi aati.

#10 Rocket aur tharak, aadmi ko kahin bhi le jaa sakte hain.



#11 Choochiyaan aur jazbaat, jitne dabaao utne hee ubharte hain.

#12 Jhaante aur koylaa, hameshaa sulagte rahte hain.



#13 Tootee (tap) aur lauda, hamesha taidey rehtey hain.

#14 Tattey (Aand, Gotey) jitnaa bhi uchhal lein, rahenge hameshaa laude ke neeche hee!


#15 Ladki kitni bhi lambi ho, mootegi to baith ke hi.


#16 Lund ko kitna bhi jhadkao, aakhri boond undi mein hi girti hai.


#17 Chut chahe jitni bhi choudi ho jaye, marni to Lund se hi padegi.

#18 Choochiyaan aur khaini, jitna ragdoge utna hi majaa ayega.


#19 Chut aur Daaru, kabhi bhee jhooti nahi hoti hain.

#20 Kutte ko mootne ke liye aur Ladki ko chudne ke liye, taang uthani 
hi padti hai.

#21 Chut aur Bhut, Kismat walon ko hi dikhte hain.


#22 Naan aur Kutte ka lauda, andar jakar hi phoolte hain.

#23 Lohe par Hathoda aur Chut par Loda, tabhi maro jab garam ho.


#24 Ladki aur Audio cassete, dono side se bajaana chahiye.




#25 Exam ki taiyari mein ek ghanta aur daaru mein ek peg, hamesha kum rahte hain.


#26 Chut saal mein do hi baar maro, ek jis din baarish ho aur doosre us din jab baarish na ho.




#27 Lund aur Ghamand, dono ko kaabu mein rakhne mein hi bhalai hai.

#28 Baagi aur mamme , jahan bhee mile , masal dene chahiye.

#29 Samay se pahle aur Kismat se achhi chut, na kisi ko mili hai, na milegi.

#30 Jab kismat mein likhe ho lode, to kahan se milenge pakode.

#31 adami aur chuha hamesha ched ki taraf bhagta hai

#32 baasi choot aur purana akhbaar, jahan dikhe faad do!

#33 hari jhandi aur randi ko dekte hi bhaag lo!

#34 musibat aur lund kabhi bhi khada ho sakta hai!

#35 Naukari aur gaand sabki lagti hai.

#36 Kamaan se nikala Teer jitna tez ho, aur Gand se nikala paad jitni dhire ho utani hi asardar hoti hai!

#37 Kamaan se nikala Teer aur gaand se nikla goo kabhi vapas nahin aata hai

#38 Jaban aur lund dono me haddi nahi hoti!

#39 Nayee chut ka maza nau din tak hota hai!

#40 Aadmi kitna bhi gora ho, lund baki badan se kala hi hota hai!

#41 Dusri naukari aur dusri aurat hardam achi hi lagti hai!

#42 Stree se aayu, purush se aay (income) aur sardar se kabhi time nahi puchhana chahiye!


#43 Bhajan, Bhojan aur Chodan hamesha ekaant main karne chahiye.

#44 Chut, Boot aur Rangroop ko jitna ragdoge utni hi chamak aayegi.

#45 Chut, Chuchi aur Chilam jitni bhi pio kabhi Jhuti nahin hoti.

#46 Maango usi se jo de khushi se aur kahe na kisi se.

#47 Jab bhi mile akeli, wo nahin to uski saheli, saheli nahin to apni
Hatheli..... but have sex daily.

#48 Kismat aur gaand kabhi bhi aur kahin bhi mar sakti hai.

#49 Ladai aur chudai mein sab jaayaj hai.

#50 Gand me Dam hai to 50va khud nikal ke dikhao

jokes

Beti: Maa Gaon mein Fauji aaye hain
Maa: andar aaja inki niyat bahut kharab hoti hai

Beti: Maa fauji Indian hain,
Maa: to bakri ko bhi andar le aa.

--------------------------------

eacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay

saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?

Kid: Miss agar aap road pay billi ki
tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayega…
----------------------------------

Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan/viraan jagah chaltey hain!

Girl:tum aisi-waisi harkat to nahi karoge?


Boy:bilkul nahi!

Girl:to phir rehne do…
-----------------------------------

Boy and girl of class 2nd asked teacher: "Can kids of our age have kids?"

Teacher replied "NO Never!!"

Boy said to Girl : "Dekha! main ne kaha tha na! Tu aise he dar rahi thi"
----------------------------------------

Master: Beta batao tumhare hath main kitni unglian hain?


Bacha: 6(Six)

Master: Haramzade kitni baar kaha hai k hath chaddi main daal ker nahi gina kar...!
---------------------------

Wedding night ki subah Dulhe ne Dulhan se Pocha.


"Kesa Mehsoos ker rahi ho?"

Dulhan: Aap ne to mujhe College k dino ki yaad dila di.
--------------------------------

santa sex karte hue wife se bola aaj pitch gili hai jaldi out ho jaunga. 
wife boli aapko to out hone ka bahana hi chahiye, kal isi pitch pe banta ne shatak lagaya tha..lol
-------------------------------------------

jokes n shaayriyaan

Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip 

khuli dekh Ladkiyan zor se hasne lagi. 

Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to 

bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga

-----------------------------

Girl: Main jab bhi apne pados 
wale ladke ko dekhti hoon, 

meri bra tight ho jati hai. 

To uski Ma Boli 
"Kal se bra hi mat pehan, 
uski pant tight ho jayegi!!"
-----------------------------

U r my best as best friend!! 
u r 

CHARMING 
HELPFUL 
UNDERSTANDING 
TALENTED 
IMPRESSIVE 
AMAZING 


in short u r : 
C.H.U.T.I.A
-------------------------------

Sardarni: 3 chor aye aur mera 
jordar RAPE karake chale gaye. 

Sardar: tumne unhe roka nahi? 

Sardarni: bahut bola rukane ko 
magar bole ab aur takath nahi.
----------------------------------

hasti thi hasaati thi, 
rooti thi rula ti thi, 
badme maloom pada 
sala chutiya banati thi
---------------------------------

A man 2 shopkeeper: 

Ek White colour ka Condom dena. 
Shopkeer: White Hi kyun? 
Man: Padosan ka husband guzar 
gaya hai Afsos karne jaana hai.
--------------------------------

Gabbar : Yeh haath mujhe dede Thakur 

Thakur : Lele Bhenchod, lekin subah 
8 baje meri gand dhone aa jaana!
------------------------

Husband: Jee karta hai ki 
tumhari zulfon mein kho jaaon, 
tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaon, 
tumhari bahon mein jhool jaon. 
Wife: Neeche kya padosi ghusengey?
---------------------------------

In da chemistry class teacher 
asked a gal: What r nitrates? 

Ladki ne sharma ke kaha: 

Night rates r costlier than day.
----------------------------

Q: What is the definition 

of "burning love"? 

A: It's when at night u reach 
out 4 da Vaseline gel & pick 
up Vicks Vaporub by mistake
--------------------------

Ghar ki bahu paraye mard ke 

saath soraithi saas ko pata 
chala lekin kuch nahi boli. 

malum hai kui? 

Kuiki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi..
-----------------------------------

Yaad aate hai bachpan k woh haseen din, 

jab hum tum masti kiya karte the, 
tum lollipop k liye roya karte the, 
hum apni pant khol kar tumhe manaya karte the...
------------------------------------

Gabbar: Basanti chaddi utar. 

Viru: nahi Basantiin kutto 
ke samne chaddi mat utarna. 

Basanti: Viru dar mat maine 

chaddi pahni hi nahi hai...
--------------------------

Sir: cow hammari maata hai... 
(outside school... Bull fucking cow) 


Student: sir.. sir... bahar aapki maa chod rahe hai.
---------------------------------

Worlds smallest resignation letter? 

Dear Sir, 
maa chuda, 

land khuja, 
Ab tu hilla, 
main chala....
-----------------------------------------

Three Girls talking in office- 1st says “kal mujhe sir ke table pe CONDOM mila”

2nd says-”Aur Maine usase badla lene ke liye usme chhed kar diya
3rd says- “Marvaa diya na Haramjadiyon…..!
------------------------------------

This is the ultimate ...you would almost die laughing!!!! 
Due to the way our Hindi was pronounced by the Britishers and the Anglo Indians too.

GANPAT-RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher,Colonel Smith 

Col.Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai)!! 

Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!! 

Col. Smith: Kya 'jyada nahi' bolta hai, tumhara application me likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai. 
Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga. 
Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)?? 








Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!! 
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya 'kabhi kabhi' bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai. 








Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga. 
The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith's family asks him to do. 
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!! 
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik. 
Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai 

Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar 
Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)... baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga... aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga. 
Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta. 



Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega. 
Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare. 
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga. 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ....jo hukum. 
After a few days There is no one except Col.Smith's wife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind. So...... 
Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo? 
Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin. 
Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot). 
Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin?? 
Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai. 
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge. 
Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi. 
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum. 

Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. 
Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts 
Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!! 
Ganpatrai :Memsaab...Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega
-----------------------------------------------

Ek baar class main inspection hoti hain.. Headmaster sahib aate hain....... Sawaal karna shuru! 
Headmaster: "Bachoo Hamari body ka sabse naram part konsa hain"? 
Jab koi jawab nahin deta to master Tinku ki taraf ishara karte hue Headmaster: "Tinku tum is ka jawab do"!! 


Tinku: "Master ji hamari body ka sabse naram part hain GAAND, kyon ki, agar hame thand (cold) lag gaye hum kehte hain 'GAAND Phat gayi', Garmi lag jaya hum kehte hain 'GAAND phat gayi', thoda chalna pad jaye'GAAND phat gayi', Rona aa jaye 'GAAND phat gayi', Homework karana ho'GAAND phat gayi'




Headmaster ko gussa to aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi sahi hain to woh kuch nahin kehta.. phir sawaal karta hain 

Headmaster: "acha aab ye batao ke, Ladki ki jab shaadi ho jaati hain to woh Doli ke time roti kyon hain" 






Phir koi jawaab nahin deta......master phir Tinku ko jawaab dene ko kehta hain. 



Tinku: " Master ji aap itne bade master, gyani or Samajhdar AGAR AAPKI KOI 400KM GHAR SE DOOOOOR LE JAA KAR GAAND MAREGA TO AAPKO RONA NAHIN AAYEGA? 

Master ji ko phir bhut gussa aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi thik hain...isleye woh use kuch nahin kehta. Master phir sawaal karata hain 
Headmaster: " Acha bachoo agar main aapko tisri aankh lagane ki shakti doon to tum kahan lagwaoge" 
Koi bacha kehta hain sir pe, koi kehta hain mooh main, koi kehta hain pet main. koi kehta hain kaan pe..... Master ko koi bhi answer acha nahin lagta hain to woh Tinku ko phir khada karta hain. 
Tinku: " Master ji main tisri aankh haat ki badi wali ungli main lagawaoonga" Headmaster: " Kyon Tinku" 
Tinku: " Main usko aapki GAAND main dalke ye dekhoonga ke aisa kaun sa kida aapki GAAND main Bhatak raha hain jo Salla har Sawaal mujhe hi se pooch raha hai.

phaaaadu shaayriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

A fat electrician while having sex asks his wife: Bolo priye tumhe kya gam hai? 

Wife: Swami Load Jyada aur Voltage kam hai...

---------------------------

Arz Kiya hai.... 

College se nikalte hi kitaabain seenay se laga leti ho, 


Hum kya marr gaye jo khud hi daba leti ho!
----------------------------------

Teacher gave a sentence to Pappu for translation 

Khushi ke maare uski chhati phool gayi 

Pappu: Due to happiness, his chest turned into breasts
----------------------------------

Agar Gandhiji ke samay me AIDS hota to kya hota? 

Toh chautha(4th) bandar underwear ke saamne haath karke khada hota.
-----------------------------

Subah-2 jab khirki kholay, fruitwala zore se bole: 8 rupay ke 12

kelay, kum paray to mera lelay
-----------------------------------

Father explaining to Son to not go to prostitutes:

Puttar if u go to prostitutes… “tainu AIDS ho jaayega,

phir teri woti nu….,

phir mainu….,


phir teri maa nu…. aur

phir saare pind (village) nu….
-------------------------------

Skoda recently launched new car model namd LAURA all drivers will hav tough time wen their Memsahab will say 

"Driver Laura Nikalo"
----------------------------------------------

Wat is d tragedy of hindi film sholay? 

Ek to thakur ki biwi nahi thi upar se gabbar ne uske haath bhi kaat diye!!
--------------------------------

Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo karodo kharche Taj par! 

Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo karodo kharche Taj par! 
Roz ek nayi mumtaz aati.. uss karodo ke byaaj par.

----------------------------

Santa and Banta were watching bungee jumping. 
Santa: Wanna try it? 

Banta: No way. I was born coz 

of broken rubber & I don't 
wanna die because of it
--------------------------------

Fizaon Ke Badalne Ka Intezar Na Kar, 
Aandhiyon Ke Rukne Ka Intezaar Na Kar, 
Channel Badal Aur FTV Laga Le Bachcha, 
ESPN Par Sania Ke Jhukne Ka Intezar Na Kar
------------------------------------

Husband : Please Aaj Karne do 
Wife: No! 

Husband: Jewellery Le Dunga 
Wife : No! 


Husband : Ghar Le Dunga 
Wife : No! 

Beta Bola : Papa Meri Maarlo Aur Cycle Dilado!!
-----------------------------

Beta kya kaam karte ho? 

"Ji samaj seva karta Hoon." 


Matlab? 

"Gire huve ko uthata hoon, 
Bichade huye ko Milata hoon" 

Woh Kaise? 

"Bra banata hoon."
-------------------------------

A man was pressing lady's boobs in a crowded bus. 

Lady, "Excuse me... Yeh aap achha nahi kar rahe hain!" 
Man, "Itni bheed mein is se achha ho hi nahi sakta
---------------------------



Wednesday, February 4, 2009

non veg jokes

8 yrs old boy caught in **** case, lady lawyer hold his penis &
said: "kiya ye bacha **** ker sakta hae?" Boy said silently "hilana
mat, werna case har jao gi"

----------------------

Jab tumhare **** hua, to tumne kia mehsoos kia? Girl: ladoo agar
zabardasti khilaya jaye to bhi lagta metha hae na
--------------------------

A angreji prostitute after taking cock of a sardaar in her mouth, "Rs1000
nikalo wera kaat longi", sardaar: "Rs5000 nikalo werna peshab
kerdon ga"
----------------------
Judge: Why did u kill ur husband? Lady: He called me home from work,

took me to bedroom, removed my clothes, laid me on bed, spread my
legs and said, "April Fool".

------------------------

Feelings of girls after Sex and Exam are same. Like: Kitna lamba

tha...!!! Kaash thoda time aur mil jata...!!! Pehlay kitna dar lag
raha tha na...!!! Baad mein patta hi nahi challa k kab ho gya...!!!

3 ghantay mujhay saans hi nahi aee...!!! Aagay ka to theek tha, per
peechay ka kitna mushkil tha...!!!

---------------------
Ek larki thi Sexy si, ek lund pay woh marti thi, chori-chori,
chupkay chupkay, choot pay khujli kerti thi, chudna tha shayad us
ko, per lambay lund say woh darti thi. Jab milti thi mujh say, yehi
poocha kerti thi, yeh lund kaisa hota hai, yeh lund kaisa hota
hai??? Aur mein yehi keh daita tha, Kailay jaisa hota hai.

------------------------

Ek totle ko interview mae 4 words bolne they: Institute, Aptitude,

Magnitude, Subtitute, totla bola "in ki chut, ap ki chut, ma ki

chut, sub ki chut"
----------------------------

Bache ki sehat ke liye zarori hae maa ka doodh or bacha ke baap ki
sehat ke liye bacha ki maa ki chot.
------------------------------------

Mirza Galib ne her baat per sher kaha, shadi hue to sher keha,
ghongat uthaya to sher keha, kapre utarein to sher kehan, tangein
utjaein tab yeah sher bola " le aye phir kehan par kismet humain
kehan se, ye to wohi jaga hae nikley they hum jehan se"
-------------------------------

Santa "kal main teri bhabi ki yaad mae bottle da sahara lita",
Banta "te phir ki hua", santa, " bhenchod mera lund bottle wich phas
gaya"
----------------------------

Chut ka Kamal (Poem)


Suno bhai suno...

Dekho land mera ho gaya lal
Re dekho chut ka kamal.....||

Jab se dekha ye gulabi mast mal
Badal gayi mere raja ki chal....||


Kehta hai jaldi se ise andar dal
Bura kiya is ne mera hal........||

Kya mast hai mal uspe chhote choote ye kale bal
Na kar ab intejar, Dil hua jaye be karar jaldi se dal .

Chut rani meri badi sayani chudne k pehle chhore he pani,
Land raja kahe dekh meri bat hai mani nikle chut se pani ..
khatam kar ye kahani.. || - ||

Have a Nice fucking friends.....

Agar chut nahi to do hath ko chhut maro muth.


non veg jokes

Ladki ki T-Shirt per bani Billi ko ladka ghoorney laga
????: Desi6 - Desi Torrents, Desi Adult Torrents, Desi Scandals, Desi Stories, Desi Sex, Hindi Font Stories, http://desi6.com/showthread.php?t=13285

Ladki: Kabhi Billi nahi dekhi kya?

Ladka: Dekha hai par Doodh ki rakhwali karte paheli baar dekh raha hoon.

--------------

Doctor advised a patient: Dabaa kar dhoodh pio

Patient: Doctor sb, dhoodh tu
main khoob peeta hoon per
woh dabaanay nahee dayte!

-------------

Prostitute left her profession
????: Desi6 - Desi Torrents, Desi Adult Torrents, Desi Scandals, Desi Stories, Desi Sex, Hindi Font Stories, http://desi6.com/showthread.php?t=13285
and goes 2 a school 4 a job,
????: Desi6 - Desi Torrents, Desi Adult Torrents, Desi Scandals, Desi Stories, Desi Sex, Hindi Font Stories, http://desi6.com/showthread.php?t=13285

Principal: Can U teach zoology/biology/or physiology.
Prostitute: No, only DALOGY & NIKALOGY
 
-----------------

Santa touched Jeeto's boobs and sung:
Piyo glass full doodh, wonderful doodh.

Jeeto touched his penis and said:
Thanda matlab CHOTA COKE!
-------------
Laila ko karana ho IMPRESS
to majanu ne khai MINTOFRESH,
 
jab majnuko karana ho IMPRESS to
laila ko utarna hoga pura DRESS
bole to ekdam FRESH!!
-----------
Machis aur Sex, donon mein
friction hota hi hai.
Bas, ek mein aag lagata hai,
dusre mein aag buzata hai,
par friction donon mein hota hai.
-----------
3 gujrati women went to chaat shop.

Ist woman: manne chat.
2ND woman: manne ragdo(tikki).

3RD woman: manne pehle chat phir ragdo!!

----------------------------------------

Ek nokrani ko room say condom milla, to boli, Malkan....? Yeh kya
hai? Malkan boli: Kya tum log sex nahi kertay? Nokrani boli: Hum Sex

kertay to hain, per aisa nahi k chamdee hi uttar jaey

--------------------